20 Day Challenge – Day 17

4 places you want to go to.

  1. Vancouver – Go Canada!
  2. The Grand Canyon
  3. Australia
  4. Back to Myrtle Beach
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99th Post Celebration!

Today marks my 99th post.  It’s hard to believe that in two short months I could have come to this point.  To be fair, many of these posts were on the list of As the Pendulum Swings best hits and a few were my favorite reblogs.  Just the same, Sunny with a Chance of Armageddon has come to 99 posts in total.

I’m never one to share stats, but today I will in honor of this blog.

  • 3,376 views all-time
  • 151 views on your busiest day, October 2, 2012
  • 73 average views per day

Top Posts and Pages of all time:

 

Content

98 Posts

539 Comments

Taxonomies

126 Categories

562 Tags

Followers (includes Publicize)

97 Blog

8 Comments

62 Twitter

27 Facebook

It’s not much, but I’m very proud of it.

This is the compilation of two installations of The 99 Quirks of Lulu: I’m Going to Die in the Walmart Parking Lot and This Jewdistian Doesn’t Believe in Creationism.

  1. I can only wear found or gifted jewelry. If I wear jewelry that I bought for myself, it always either breaks or gets lost.
  2. When sitting in a public place, I try to position myself so it would be difficult for a person to come up from behind me. We’s don’t want no surprises. No, seriously though. I’m pretty paranoid.
  3. I can’t make eye contact when I’m telling a story. It’s not symptomatic of anything. I just can’t take in any visual information when I’m trying to give out verbal information.
  4. I have to have a minimal amount of background noise when I’m working on something. The more tedious and repetitive the task is, the more sound I require.
  5. I have serious claustrophobia. I hate elevators. I will walk six flights of stairs to avoid it (I’ve done it). I have nightmares about getting trapped in a tiny space. No matter how badly I want to get home, I’ll let a crowded bus pass to get on a later, less crowded one.
  6. I am obsessed with office supplies. I cannot resist a sale. I hoard them.
  7. I am so particular about my pens that I will only use specific brands, with gel ink, and only in 0.7 tip.
  8. I have been wearing the same Capricorn pendant for 10 years. C.S. bought me a Taurus pendant at a craft sale 4 years ago and I haven’t taken it off since. I’m very superstitious about it. Every time I forgot to put it back on, something bad has happened. Last time was C.S.’s car accident.
  9. I practice natal astrology. It can peg a person every time.
  10. I put my hand in front of my mouth a lot. Ethology would call me a liar. But really, I’m just trying to hide.
  11. I have a really difficult time lying. It produces an intolerable physical response, so I don’t do it unless I really have to protect myself.
  12. I’ve bitten my bottom lip since I had teeth. I have pictures to prove it.
  13. I am so particular about shoes that I only buy tennis shoes every three years. And that’s after they start taking on water. This is partially because my feet are abnormally wide, although they’re not very big. It takes a lot to find a comfortable, stylish shoe.
  14. I honestly believe I’m going to die in some ridiculous, unbelievable accident or situation. I have this scenario about how I’m going to die in the Walmart parking lot. If you want to hear about it, ask in the comment section.
  15. The numbers 1, 5, and 14 follow me everywhere. The bus number I’m on – 5157. I’m on a bus everyday that starts with 51. My birthday 1/14. My husband’s birthday 5/14. Just strange as hell. Coincidentally, no lie, this just happened to be 15!
  16. I am a camel. I can hold it for hours on end. Longest held? 16 hours. I was 13, and stuck in a car with my parents on the way to Florida who refused to stop until we got there. By Virginia, everything below my waist was numb.
  17. I have always had a problem regulating body functions. I can’t fall asleep, and then I can’t wake up. I am always thirsty, but I have difficulty knowing when I’m hungry. Sometimes, if I’m busy enough, I’ll forget to eat until I have hunger pains.
  18. I have an incredible internal clock. I always know what time it is. Or maybe I’m just very observant of the position of the sun.
  19. I yell at inanimate objects.
  20. I can get a vibe from someone and know instantly if we’re incompatible. I don’t discriminate. I can be on the phone or over the internet and know.
  21. It is in the way a person addresses me.
  22. I am the only person that does the dishes and folds the laundry. It has to be done in a certain way. My clothes have to be sorted by graphic tee’s, solid tees, and color. My jeans are assorted by thickness.
  23. I have twilight blindness. I can’t see things correctly during that time of day.
  24. I carry my person journal on my person at all times.  You never know when you’ll be inspired.  You also never know when someone wants to take a peek at your dirty little secrets.
  25. I used to make wishes.  My wishes have always come true, but in a Twilight Zone kind of way.  There was always some kind of catch that ruined it all.  Remember the episode about the man who just wanted to be left alone to read his books?  And he got his wish, but then his glasses broke and he was all alone.  It’s a lot like that.  So I don’t anymore because I know there will be consequences.
  26. I have a cat that wipes my tears away when I cry.  He paws my face without claws. (He passed away since this was written.)
  27. I think it’s ridiculous to give a kid a weird first name.  So, in case my kid want a weird name, I gave him a weird middle name.
  28. I think the most random thoughts.  For instance, my husband and I were once talking about daily activities that burn calories.  I asked him, “How many calories do you think a seizure burns?”  Today, we were talking about how we were going to manage to find a girlfriend for another friend.  He’s kind of nerdy, so I said, “Maybe I should start telling these girls he has money?  Do you think that would help?  It worked for Bill Gates!  How much money does someone have to have before they stop being a nerd?”  Honestly, I want to know these things.
  29. Flashing lights drive me nuts.  Imagine me verses a strobe light.  I have a message indicator that is driving me crazy on my voicemail right now.  But I just don’t feel like listening to it.
  30. I have to sleep with my feet outside of the covers.  My feet are my temperature control.  If they’re too hot, then I’m too hot.
  31. I am almost always barefoot when I can help it.  You see, my depth perception is terrible.  In order to not trip and fall all of the time, I use the sensations in my feet to guide me.
  32. I count stairs.  I can tell you the amount of stairs that are on every stairwell that I encounter frequently.  13 in my house.  14 in my parent’s basement and 16 to the upstairs.  And 10 each going up each floor at work, with eight leading into the building.
  33. Every clock I have that isn’t set to a satelight is set randomly ahead.  I don’t know the real time, so I have to assume that what I’m looking at is the real time.  This is how I trick myself into being early.
  34. I am an organizational freak, not a neat freak.  Everything in it’s right place.  I want to know where I can find anything on a moments notice.
  35. I am extremely scheduled.  I have to do things at certain times or else my day isn’t going to go right.
  36. I am obsessed with the weather.  Especially during hurricane season.  It is absolutely fascinating.
  37. I collect odd things from places I travel to.  In fact, I have sand from Myrtle Beach in a baby food jar with a little ceramic turtle with a little straw hat sitting on my desk.  I went to a theme park in California that was selling as many rocks as you could fit in a tiny bag with a drawstring.  I have a collection of decorative boxes from various places.
  38. Old world maps tickle my fancy.  It’s amazing to see how differently people viewed the world in those days.
  39. I believe in the power of hematite.  Hematite supposedly absorbs negative energy.  To clear the energy from the hematite, you bury it in the ground for several days to return it back to the earth.  I actually had a hematite ring shatter once.  I was going through a really bad time.
  40. I cannot spill a drink without freaking out about it.
  41. I hate the smell of raw onions.  It is intolerable.
  42. Perfume is my best friend.  I have this fear that I smell bad.  So everything I use is scented.  Lotion, bodywash, shampoo, deodorant, body spray, perfume, anything you can name.
  43. I don’t like wearing jeans.  I prefer skirts and what would be considered a house dress.  But, I live in Pennsylvania and we have two seasons here.  Winter and construction, also known as summer.  Jeans are required dress. (I wrote this before I wrote The Grey Season.)
  44. I cannot stand getting my face went unless I’m fully submerged.  That means, I hate any kind of precipitation, with the exception of a good summer downpour.  Now that’s a way to get wet!
  45. I can’t stand when my husband uses my toothbrush or razor.  So I intentionally buy pink colored items so he doesn’t use them.  It’s not manly.
  46. Everytime I dye my hair, I always have to do a trim.  So, I take a sample of the hair and I keep it in a ziplock with the date on it.  That way, I can always keep an assessment of my hair color at any period of time.
  47. I like having certain imperfections.  My hair is cut choppy and asymmetrical with a weird part for a reason.  I love the scars that I didn’t inflict upon myself.  I have stretch marks all over my body for various reasons (growth spurts, pregnancy, etc).  I love when my dark blonde roots come in against my white blonde hair.  And I especially love my eyes.  They are each split in half in color.  One part is green-gold and the other part is blue grey.  Maybe people think I look like a mess, but I think I look real.
  48. The noise of someone biting their nails is like nails on a chalkboard to me.  Ugh.
  49. I can predict the weather based on previous injuries.  When my hips and knees hurt, a serious storm is coming.  I’ve never been wrong.
  50. Pickles. There can never be enough pickles!
  51. I eat something with peanut butter in it every day.
  52. I always take note when I notice the clock says 12:34.
  53. I obsessively listen to music until I know all of the words to the song.
  54. I obsessively watch television shows and movies in the same way.
  55. I believe in toilet snakes. I always check the toilet before I sit down.
  56. I have an unnatural love of cemeteries.
  57. I always write in cursive. But it’s a severely bastardized version of cursive that combines some print.
  58. With two exceptions, I have lived on the same street my entire life.
  59. With two exceptions, I’ve worked on the same street in my life.
  60. I cannot use touch screen phones. I think I emit some kind of electrostatic charge that messes with electronics.
  61. Street lights used to constantly go out as I walked under them. Weird.
  62. I have a shower ritual. I wash top down for maximum cleanliness. I’ll keep it short and sweet so we don’t venture into the land of TMI. Shampoo, exfoliate, rinse, shampoo, rinse, conditioner, body wash, shave, rinse, rinse.
  63. I tack 15 minutes onto the estimated duration of everything I do. It takes me 10 minutes to walk to the bus stop, but I’ll allot 25 minutes.
  64. Confession alert! I fib to my Pdoc and tell him I’m taking a higher dose than I’m actually taking. Reason: I’m squirreling away medicine in case my insurance gets cancelled.
  65. I wear my socks inside out because I can’t stand the seam.
  66. I refuse to vacuum unless it’s absolutely unavoidable. I hate, hate, hate the sound.
  67. The more nervous I get, the more make-up I pile on.
  68. I compulsively scratch the plaque off of my teeth.
  69. I triple check myself before I leave the house for work. Do I have everything I could possibly need?
  70. I think it’s cute when old guys hit on me. Come on, they’re over 70 and usually married. What’s the harm?
  71. I am extremely sentimental. I keep the oddest things. I have a memory board packed with odds and ends. Coasters from great dates, ticket stubs from awesome movies, etc.
  72. Typically, I won’t answer phone calls that aren’t a 412 area code. But I’ll always answer phone calls that start with my local prefix.
  73. When I use a public restroom, I try to use the third stall in. Here’s my logic. Most people will use the first stall, if available, for convenience. People like me will know that and go for the second one or the last one. So, I use the middle one – less germy and nasty.
  74. I keep track of everything. I have a drawer for paid bills, pay stubs, insurance info, etc. I have another drawer for work to keep old lesson plans, attendance rosters, and my professional portfolio. I have calendars with notes and post it’s everywhere.
  75. I keep junk. You know, for arts and crafts. I think it’s green.
  76. Well, you all know about how I like to invent new words. I don’t consider it bastardizing the English language. I think of it as expanding it.
  77. I get very irritated with that text language people use. I can’t read it!
  78. I loathe gymnasiums. Every Tuesday, when I’m assigned to go to the gym, I literally cringe. I still have dodgeball flashbacks, I guess.
  79. I have a system of predicting outcomes. I think of the absolute worst case scenario (WCS) and the best case scenario (BCS). Then, I think of the 2nd WCS, and the 2nd BCS. Usually, it comes out 2WCS. I bank on it.
  80. Did I mention that I have unusually bad luck? Very unusually bad things happen to me. A drunk driver crashed into the front of my house. No, I don’t live on a curve or a corner and the clearances on either side of my house are about 3 feet.
  81. I believe that everyone get allotted one movie moment a year. By movie moment, I’m talking about that one moment where something good happens that defies all odds.
  82. I can sing by ear. I can pick both melodies and harmonies in songs.
  83. I’m completely paranoid that someone in my household is going to get into a life threatening accident when I’m not present.
  84. I teach my kid swear words. I mean, I’d rather my kid be in the back of the bus telling the other kids than the other way around.  Told you I shouldn’t be a role model.
  85. I am in love with suede.
  86. I still have my comfort object from when I was a child. She is a small purple rabbit and her name is Furry. She is still kind of a comfort object.
  87. I like carrying a heavy bag with me everywhere I go. I have to travel with everything but the kitchen sink to feel prepared.
  88. I still prefer cursive to print.
  89. My short-term memory is shot. Did I say that yet? Gotta love Lamictal!
  90. I wrap myself in a fleece throw when I’m feeling depressed. It’s as close as I can get to a hug.
  91. I think I lived a past life, mostly in the 60′s and 70′s. I gravitate toward culturally relevant things from that time.
  92. I am a Jewdistian.
  93. I kickbox appliances. I hope they don’t start fighting back.
  94. Horror movies don’t bother me. Disaster movies are terrifying. 2012 was the scariest movie I’ve ever seen.
  95. Ok, I’m totally getting locked up in the loony bin for this one. I believe that ancient aliens genetically modified the homonids on this planet to create homoeretus.
  96. I mouth the words to songs in public while listening to music. I’m not talking about in my car. I’m talking about doing it on the streets of Downtown Pittsburgh.
  97. When I’m feeling insecure, I sleep in a ball near the foot of my bed.
  98. I very seriously fear a zombie apocalypse.
  99. I will never eat the last of anything.

Everything is (not) Wonderful Now

“I just don’t understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes and tell me everything is wonderful now.” – Everclear – Wonderful

I feel as if I have been robbed of something.  Most of the time, I’m blank with these vague floating emotions.  Sometimes, I can tap into them, but it is more akin to breaking open the Pandora’s box.  These emotions suddenly intensify and flood over me, consuming me like a tsunami.  A thief crept in the window to my mind and stole my translator for emotion to cognition.

I am inclined to speculate as to whether this is just a side effect of losing those internal monologues / dialogues.  On occasion, I catch myself attempting to recreate them, especially in the moments of severe, agonizing distress.  However, there seems to have been some kind of role reversal.  Instead of my dominant persona being confused by multiple personas in my head, those lesser personas being the ones who generated the intrusive thoughts and discord in the chambers of my mind, there remains one persona.  This persona is new.  She’s the therapist.  What do people call it?  Maybe the voice of reason?

Blank slate.  I am seemingly an empty canvas.  I never cared much for empty things, because they require filling.  There are always these second thoughts and doubts; Am I doing it right?  What if I mess up?  It highlights the cracks.  I float around in my life without immediate purpose, without the constant noise that colored my life.

One would think the riddance of such garbage background noise and a wide spectrum of ever fluctuating emotions would be a positive improvement.  There remains this empty container where thoughts and emotion would overflow out of, the tap of which being always open.  The source has dried up, and it seems an IOU is tightly fastened to the bottom without a named perpetrator.

One would suspect that another would be at peace without such distressful experiences such as psychosis.  Instead, I find that I cannot seem to associate myself with this state.  I don’t belong here.  This doesn’t feel right. Something is wrong.  It’s all wrong.

One would think that all of this freedom would be so wonderful.

Everything is not wonderful now.  The tears of mourning still come to my eyes as if I were somehow missing a piece.  Colors seem to be dimmer and the whole world feels washed out.  It is distressing in itself.  The absence of myself.  The crazy, emotional, outrageous, always interesting, talkative woman has become muted, grasping at straws for conversation and content.

Is this what it feels like to be normal?

Last of the Belated Blog Awards Ceremony

Sisterhood of the Bloggers Award

Here are the Rules:

1. Thank the giver.
2. Post 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award on to 7 other bloggers and let them know they’ve been nominated.
4. Include the logo of the award in a post or on your blog.
Angel, again, I’d like to thank you for your thoughtful nomination.  I am overjoyed at the invitation to join this sisterhood.  I think it’s so important to have a camaraderie between bloggers, especially female mental health bloggers.  This means so much to me.  Again, thank you for your kindness and thoughtfulness in another nomination.

Seven bloggers:

  1. Withering Tulip
  2. Crazy in the Coconut
  3. Stuff She Said
  4. Manic Monday
  5. You Know You’re Borderline When…
  6. Seasons Change, and so Have I
  7. Pride In Madness

 

 

Reader Appreciation Award

I believe this is the last one from Angel!  You have been the biggest self-esteem booster.  And if there’s something I am just a quart low on, it’s confidence in myself.  Thank you for being an inspiration to me, and such a thoughtful and giving person.

Rules

1. Include the award logo somewhere in your blog.–See above.

2. Answer these 10 questions, below, for fun if you want to.–See below.

3. Nominate 10 to 12 blogs you enjoy Or you pick the number.–See below. It seems so many wonderful blogs have already received this award. I’ve picked 8 blogs and tried to choose those who haven’t gotten it yet.

4. Pay the love forward: Provide your nominees’ links in your post and comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been included and invited to participate.–See below.

5. Pay the love back with gratitude and a link to the blogger(s) who nominated you.–See above.

The questions:

1) What is your favorite color?  Blue.  Any natural blue color, especially turquoise.

2) What is your favorite animal?  Many different kinds of birds.  I love owls and parakeets.

3) What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink? Pepsi.  Hands down.

4)  Facebook or Twitter?  Facebook because there’s more to do on it, such play games – same

5)  Favorite pattern? Paisley

6) Do you prefer getting or giving presents? I like giving.  I’m pretty awkward at receiving.

7)  Favorite number?  5 and 1 and any combination containing those two numbers.  When I see those numbers, it means something is significant.

8) Favorite day of the week? Saturday.  It’s the only day of the week where I’m not doing anything at all, with the exception of karate class.  Xan is off, so I have another parent to help me, and we usually do something fun that day.

9) Favorite flower?  Daisies.  The white ones.

10) What is your passion? Blogging, music, writing, journalling, reading, crafting
The nominees:

  1. Hello Sailor
  2. Manic Monday
  3. You Know You’re Borderline When…
  4. Alice at Wonderland
  5. Seasons Change, and so Have I
  6. Withering Tulip
  7. Anxiety Adventures
  8. Views of the Slow Lane

 

One Lovely Blog Award

Mood Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified bestowed this award upon me.  Thank you so much for your nomination!  It was incredibly wonderful!

And now, The Rules:

  1. Thank the person/people who nominated you and link back to them in your post.
  2. Share seven possibly unknown things about yourself.
  3. Nominate fifteen or so bloggers you admire.
  4. Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know and link back to them

Number 2: seven unknown things about me.

  1. Up until last Friday Confessional, my first kiss was from a girl.
  2. So was my first relationship.
  3. My schoolgirl boyfriend had cancer and was out of school for a year.  I stayed with him in that relationship.  When he got back to school, he dumped me on my birthday so he could ask another girl out.  She turned him down.  Ha ha.
  4. I attempted to have my father arrested once.  That’s another Confessional Friday.
  5. I have a brother with moderate autism.
  6. Sometimes, I talk about a sister.  My sister isn’t my biological sister.  She’s actually my third cousin.  But, we grew up in the same household, so it was like having a part-time sister.
  7. I am clautrophobic

I nominate everyone reading this right now.  You may take this, because if you are reading it, then you are a lovely person with a lovely blog.

 

TMI Blog Award

Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars suggested me for nomination.  I guess sometimes I do get a little personal.  Thanks for thinking of me!

 

This one doesn’t really have any rules.  So feel free and snatch this for your blog too!

Gay Marital Status : 30 Days of Truth

Day 18 : Your views on gay marriage.

I am not typically one to discuss controversial topics on my blog.  Politics and religion are two subjects that I have some pretty convoluted and alternative philosophies on.  So, as a rule of thumb, I am inclined to exclude these from any social agenda that I may have.

However, I am prompted.  Therefore, I must preface this with a few things.  Comments on this particular post will be closed, not as a result of a discouragement of sharing opinion, but as a precautionary measure.  I appreciate all of the feedback I get from an audience, however, I am not interested in allowing a flame war on my blog.  If anyone is interested in an adult discussion, I am willing to do so in private.  You may email me at lulu.em.stark@gmail.com and I will screen responses appropriately.

Additionally, realize that my views are only opinions.  They are, in no way, meant to be construed as offensive or bias.  If you believe that you may find the following material offensive, please consider skipping this installment of The 30 Days of Truth : Sunny with a Chance of Armageddon.

With that said:  Lulu’s Views on Gay Marriage.

Quite honestly, gay marriage is really none of my business.  I realize that it’s my civic duty as an American citizen to fight for the causes of others, and believe me, I do.  However, this is a subject that I shy away from.  I am not gay.  Although I have fallen in love with a girl once, I do not believe I would have ever considered marrying her.  I have a history of experimentation with members of the same gender, however, I am not generally attracted or romantically interested.  Therefore, I have proven I am not gay, therefore gay marriage is not on my list of crusades.

However, if I were to be coerced into taking up a social issue beyond my own scope, I suppose gay marriage would be on the agenda.  I believe that every American should be free to make their own choices.  We do live in America, one of the freest countries in the world.  We have made so much progress in human rights and freedoms.  We are guaranteed equality.  Anyone is permitted to legally join with another person of the opposite gender.  Why do we have to limit it to opposing genders?

Now, being from an Episcopalian background, I do have one objection to gay marriage.  I believe in marriage as a ritual between man and woman in front of our higher power.  Marriage is not just a legal union between two opposite gendered entities.  It’s a spiritual thing.  Now, while I believe that homosexual folks should be entitled to the same rights under the higher power, I also believe that a distinction should be made.

The distinction is the same as the distinction between a heterosexual relationship and a homosexual relationship.  Gay and straight are necessary terms to describe the nature of a relationship, just as married and single.  It is important to define relationships in terms of our higher power and our legal status.  Marriage implies that the union occurs between a man and a woman.  Therefore, a different terminology should be used.

I do not mind any terminology that can be synonymous with marriage.  Union sounds nice.  Matrimony, minus the holy part is good for any kind of wedding.  Wedded, and anything else, seem to fit nicely.  Any combination of those would be effective.  I actually find it rather offensive to call it “gay marriage”, just because of the terminological distinction.  However, this is not my decision to make.  Again, I am not gay.  I don’t know what is offensive in the gay community, therefore I avoid the topic altogether.  I think the rest of the public would probably be okay with homosexual unions if they were called something other than “gay marriage”.  It’s possible that it offends much of the religious population.

That’s just my opinion.  If anyone has anything to add, I would be glad to hear it.  However, no flame mail or hate mail.  I’d like to clarify that I support any consenting union between two adult parties that are not adulterous or incestuous in nature.

Thank you.