I had to reblog this post, because I don’t mind giving mad props to my main Korean man. Also, because my commentary is way too long.
1.) Buy her the whole damn rose bush. Then, you can direct her to the rose bush at every birthday and holiday.
2.) My husband used to buy my clothes and jewelry, and I hated them all. I never directly said it, but he got the point so much that he has since stopped. At our last anniversary, I used his credit card to buy myself a new ring.
But, if a man has to insist on this, then here’s the best way to go about it. Ask her mother what clothes she absolutely despised on her own daughter, and go and get them. Those are the ones she actually wants.
3.) That size down thing will backfire badly. First, she’ll insist that you think she’s fat and that you’re insinuating that she needs to go to the gym. Or that you’re a pig, and you want her to be some stick figure. Then, she’ll drag you back to that mall to exchange the stupid thing where she’ll end up buying an uglier, more expensive stupid thing.
Just don’t.
4.) Gum is bad. Gum is like saying, “let’s be friends”. Gum is the impulse buy at the supermarket, and then you get it home and realize that you don’t even like that flavor. Don’t. Just really, really don’t. Now, here’s what you do. Get her super expensive looking candy in a pretty box. It doesn’t matter that it was in the bargain bin (as long as she wasn’t there when you purchased it or even shops at that store). It looks like you tried, even if the candy sucks. And what you don’t like, you can give to your kids or bust it out at the next holiday. Or she can regift it to a relative she doesn’t like.
5.) Opt for the robot vacuum cleaner. I don’t know if they actually work, but I would have endless hours of amusement watching it move around the floor. And the kids might chase it around like kitties do. Even more entertainment!
6.) They do sell a fake man that your lady can beat up. They have one at my martial arts studio that we use for targeting. We call him “Bob”. Probably a good idea. Also, get her a fake knife to go with it.
7.) If only they made that. Women would actually want that. It’s a camera that only takes photos of your good side, erases blemishes and removes 30 lbs. Of course, to the woman it will look like just an autoshot, and it will automatically destroy the pictures that aren’t within the optimal guidelines.
8.) You can make this at home. Combine two parts tequila with one part MDMA. Or Xanax. That works too. Not like I’d know…
9.) Better, get one of those Super Bouncy balls out of the quarter machine, pick up a mason jar, and fill with your choice of liquid. Put a label on the jar that says, “Family Jewels” (to be tasteful) and put it on the mantle before she gets home from work. If that’s too offensive, go the keychain route.
10.) I’ll do you one better. Every woman has a tick when she gets angry. I usually start putting my hands on my hips, or flailing my arms about. So, you get her the cutest bangle bracelet with little bells on it. When she starts going nuts, you’ll know. In fact, you’ll know so loudly that you’ll have enough time to make an escape before she can get to you.
11.) Invest in a Kindle with an Amazon credit card and a Prime membership. Games, books, movies, tv – you’ll never see her again. Not even if you really wanted to.
Just a woman’s perspective. But hey, what do I know?
Sunny With a Chance Of Armageddon 