Anxiety runs rampantly, off of it’s leash, and unchecked. It envelops me, trapping me in this fully contained, semi-translucent bubble. The oxygen runs thin and the overabundance of carbon dioxide fogs my mind. I am suffocating and immobilized, encased in thick, unyielding plastic. I can see the world through clouded lenses all around me, but I am unable to touch it, to reach it.
The thoughts race faster than the stock cars in my mind, polluting my air within the dome. “What if…?” “How can I possibly…?” “What can’t I…?” My confidence dissolves in the thick, poisonous soup it creates. I begin to disappear, becoming thinner within the wash.
And eventually, the cars come to a grinding halt, gears moaning and crunching at the sudden termination of everything and anything. For a moment, the entire world, the whole existence goes blank, as plain as a clean sheet of paper. Then, suddenly, I am propelled into pitch darkness, fumbling around for the scattered remnants that are not my own cognition.
In this blackness, there is a certain emptiness abound. A void of mind and feeling transforms me into an ethereal creature containing the absence of any trace of matter. I drift aimlessly upon streams of thin air, shivering as currents pass clean through me.
My soul liquifies and pours like a thick, black ribbon into a clear mason jar. Now, it is preserved like blackberry jam, shifting and wiggling with its gelatinous quality. My hands caress the glass longingly, for it has become as unreal as I have become. I may look upon it, however, I may not touch. It is now a forbidden fruit that will spoil long before I am prepared to reclaim it as my own.
Abysmal sheets of icy rain obscure my vision now. A thick fog rolls in as dense, leaf bare woods encompass me. Severed from me, my own emotions are carried back in with the fog, high above my head as it rolls on. I reach, stretching my entire being high in the air above my head, attempting to get just a little bit closer toward them. But they are not my own.
Indistinguishable. Everything becomes questionable in this parareality. Wispy words come out in airless breaths within this vacuum of time and space. Questions come rolling into reality with no discernable answer. “Where am I?” “Who am I?” “What am I?” All concepts float away, vibrating with each anxious blink.
Each push of the fog shoves me flat on my back against a frozen, unforgiving, unyielding earth. Each successive tumble knocks even more wind from my lungs. I squeeze my eyes shut and resign myself to this fate. Paralyzed, I am defeated against this awesome force.