. . . Starts with some other beginning’s end.
Here it is. The original pilot for my blogging. And I’ve invited it to take over as my flagship.
I was talking with some dear friends about the direction Pendulum had started taking. It started out with a simple premise. Many people with mental health disorders do so in silence. Pendulum, for me, was a way of breaking that silence. Not only for myself, but in order to help others who might be suffering in their own silence.
It had started to greatly deviate from the original idea. Sure, I had maintained my monologues. But, as I described it someone dear to me, “Pendulum has become more of a bitch blog than a mental health focus blog. I have never, never wanted a blog like that.” I was not relating my stories. I was just detailing them like some kind of rag sheet. I lost focus.
It had also become a sore point of disclosure in my relationships with others. While I might be comfortable divulging my dirty secrets to the entire world as a means of confession and release, others were simply beyond uncomfortable with it. Pendulum had become something that violated a certain sanctity, and became a serious communication block. While I have always left it public for anyone to look at, it sucked the intimacy out of having those tender conversations with those that I love around me.
Yes, Pendulum was created as a means of building up the support network that I was sorely lacking. However, I became too reliant on that support network, and completely lost focus on building the network around myself. It became a means to isolate myself from others who are supposed to be those closest to me.
So, here it is. Sunny with a Chance of Armageddon. Relating my emotions and disorder(s) that surround them from one end of the spectrum to the other, and allowing for everything in between. Because that is another thing that had began to impress itself deeply into me. I lost sight of all of the grey area, attempting to tidy my confusing world by putting things in nice black and white labeled bins. It doesn’t work like that. All of the colors of the world exist, and should continue to exist in my world.
The premise of this blog is simple. For the ladies out there, they’ll understand the analogy. Carrie wrote “Sex in the City” relating events in her life to a bigger picture and asking the big questions. When applied to mental health, the premise is the same. I am going to focus on writing about more of the general, practicing reflection, and only detailing what is necessary.
I hope everyone enjoys this blog as much as they did Pendulum. I will not be taking Pendulum down, as it will continue to serve as my archive. However, I will no longer be writing it. I have pulled several of my most read pieces from Pendulum here for easy reference.